Argument
by Queen of Duct Tape
Summary: Companion piece to the Death Eater Files. Voldy and I exchange insults in the form of letters. In, of course, 55 words or less.
1. Voldemort I

**Argument**

By: QDT

Disclaimer: I am about five inchestaller than JKR and can only attempt at a pathetic imitation of a British accent. I own nothing but a cool pair of purple socks, which you will hear more about in chapter four.

NOTE: This first chapter is what old Voldy was so worked up about in **Forty-Four: Writing **of **The Death Eater Files**. What follows is an argument between our charming antagonist and myself. Enjoy!

**Voldemort I**

I, the all-powerful, brilliant, and altogether too sexy for my nose Dark Lord, the one and only Lord VOLDEMORT, do hereby decree that the woman known as the Queen of Duct Tape shall henceforth write no more of her outlandish falsehoods titled the Death Eater Files, or face open prosecution from said Death Eaters.


	2. QDT I

**Argument**

By: QDT

Disclaimer: see first chapter

**Queen of Duct Tape I**

I, Her Royal Majesty Queen Abigail of Duct Tape, do hereby decree that the Dark Lord, Voldemort, is an idiot. What are going to do about it, O Molding One? Sprinkle glitter on me from your new robes? Declare yourself ruler of everything and take my duct tape? I'd like to see you try.


	3. Voldemort II

**Argument **

By: QDT

Disclaimer: see first chapter

**Voldemort II**

I, the all-powerful, brilliant, and altogether too sexy for my nose Dark Lord, the one and only Lord VOLDEMORT, have not deigned you worthy of conversation, lowly muggle fanfiction author. I command the greatest and most terrifying group of wizards to ever grace this planet. You serve only as a bug to be squashed.


	4. QDT II

**Argument**

By: QDT

Disclaimer: see first chapter

**Queen of Duct Tape II**

Yes, your followers are indeed terrifying. You are especially intimidating whilst rehearsing for your musical(s). In fact, right now I am just shaking in my boots. Although it may be from suppressed laughter. And I'm wearing socks as opposed to boots. Do tell Dumbledore that I thank him for the lovely striped purple socks he sent.


	5. Voldemort III

**Argument **

By: QDT

Disclaimer: see first chapter

**Voldemort III**

I, the all-powerful, brilliant, and altogether too sexy for my nose Dark Lord, the one and only Lord VOLDEMORT, will thank the old wizard when he murders the Potter brat for me. Until then, you'll just have to suffer in silence. Or screech loudly. I would prefer the latter.

Sincerely not yours,

Lord Voldemort


	6. QDT III

**Argument **

By: QDT

Disclaimer: see first chapter

**Queen of Duct Tape III**

I see no reason to suffer needlessly. Since you refuse to thank him, I shall simply have to do it myself. I think I'll bring him new socks as well. Do you need any new socks? Since we're pen pals. And also it will annoy the hell out of you.

Not yours either,

QDT


	7. Voldemort IV

**Argument **

By: QDT

Disclaimer: see first chapter

**Voldemort IV**

Annoying Writer:

You are not my pen pal. I did not ask for new socks. TAKE THEM AWAY!

Thank you,

Lord Voldemort


	8. QDT IV

**Argument **

By: QDT

Disclaimer: see first chapter

**Queen of Duct Tape IV**

Voldie:

On the contrary; you are writing me and I am writing you. We are pen pals. And I am not taking the socks back. They wouldn't fit me.

You're welcome,

Her Royal Majesty Queen Abigail I of Duct Tape and Boredacea


	9. Voldemort V

**Argument **

By: QDT

Disclaimer: see first chapter

**Voldemort V**

Annoying Writer:

Take that!

The Dark Lord


	10. QDT V

**Argument **

By: QDT

Disclaimer: see first chapter

**Queen of Duct Tape V**

Now, really, Voldie, I'm surprised at you. Was it completely necessary to blow up my house?


	11. Voldemort VI

**Argument **

By: QDT

Disclaimer: see first chapter

**Voldemort VI**

It is always necessary to blow up a house or two.


	12. QDT VI

**Argument **

By: QDT

Disclaimer: see first chapter

**Queen of Duct Tape VI**

Actually, I have never blown up a house in my life (kitchen, yes, house, no), and I have far less psychological issues than you. So don't you tell ME what's necessary, snake-man.


End file.
